


some friends wouldn't mind having their noses picked

by curlydots



Category: Gintama
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Excessive Drinking, M/M, Polyamory
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-07-18
Updated: 2020-07-02
Packaged: 2020-07-04 23:02:42
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 8,063
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19824928
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/curlydots/pseuds/curlydots
Summary: There's something going on with Gintoki, Katsura, and Takasugi. Not that Sakamoto notices.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> i've been trying to figure out what my favorite gintama ship is and apparently it's every pairing in the joi4. oops

He meets Gintoki in their junior year, when he's figuring out how to show up forty minutes late to his first lecture with grace. It's a big enough lecture hall that he'd probably go unnoticed, as long as someone didn't kick him through the double doors and use the distraction to crawl in behind the back row. Which Gintoki does.

It vaguely works. Sakamoto yells and then laughs when he stumbles inside, drawing the attention of the entire room, but when Gintoki tries to sneak in Sakamoto pulls him to his feet with a smile and a "wow, you hurt your legs or something?"

They get a very annoyed stare from their professor after that but no actual reprimand. When they're looking for seats the somehow wind up next to each other in the back row where Sakamoto immediately falls asleep. He doesn't realize he's sleeping on Gintoki until the ending of class wakes him up. Gintoki punches him in the head, specifying that it's for ratting him out, and doesn't say no when Sakamoto asks to get coffee with him.

"Get me something with a lot of sugar," is what he does say, throwing his bag over his shoulder.

"Sure!" Sakamoto says. "Sugar is doable!"

Gintoki looks at him sideways like he's some sort of puzzle. Eventually he nods. "Gintoki."

Sakamoto smiles. "Sakamoto Tatsuma!"

Gintoki doesn't say much as they walk and responds to most of Sakamoto's talking with annoyed silence. Still he sticks around long enough to order a drink, add six sugar packets, and chug the entire thing before he starts to go.

"Thanks for the sugar, weirdo," he says, "but I'm late for my next class."

"Me too!" Sakamoto licks whipped cream off his straw. "Do you want my chocolate croissant?"

Gintoki sits back down and grabs the paper bag. "Probably just gonna go over the syllabus."

Neither of them is late on Thursday. Gintoki is already there when he shows up a minute before class starts. He's sitting in the same spot as last class next to an empty seat. Gintoki looks over at him, chin in his hand.

Sakamoto climbs over the back of the chair and slides into the seat next to him.

"Didya do the reading?" he asks.

"Fuck no," Gintoki says. "Did you?"

"Nope!"

From then on they sit next to each other.

Sakamoto varies between being right on time, ten minutes early, and half an hour late. Gintoki is always there before him and doesn't seem to care when Sakamoto is early or on time, but his glare is harsh when he's late. He doesn't object if Sakamoto throws an arm over his shoulder when they're walking or falls asleep on him but does put him in a headlock when Sakamoto forgets to do his share of the group work. Overall he's an okay guy.

The weekend before their first test Gintoki invites himself over to his apartment. He mumbles something about studying and then shows up at 11 with a bottle of vodka.

"You said your roommate's out this weekend?"

"Think so!" He ushers Gintoki inside. "Aren't you underdressed?"

"It's not that cold," Gintoki says, though he's got goosebumps in his sleeveless shirt. He immediately starts going through the cabinets, touching most of his glasses before settling on one of Mutsu's mugs. "Got any mixers?"

They watch T.V. in Sakamoto's room, sitting on the floor while they drink. Gintoki is doing that thing where he's hanging off Sakamoto but when they're sitting on the floor it leaves them all over each other. Gintoki's legs are crossed, one of his thighs lying over Sakamoto's.

"Hey." Gintoki turns to him, in the middle of the movie they're watching. His breath tickles Sakamoto's neck. "Hey. Come here."

"Come where? I'm right next to you."

" _Here_ , here." He turns Sakamoto's face. "Why are you wearing your sunglasses indoors at night?"

"Because they're cool!"

"They're stupid." He pushes the sunglasses off Sakamoto's face.

"Your hair is stupid! Don't hear me complaining about it."

" _Your_ hair is stupid."

Sakamoto is thinking of a witty response to that when Gintoki moves forward suddenly.

Gintoki's been mixing cranberry and orange juice to add his vodka to so his mouth definitely tastes funny. He's also a sloppy kisser but Sakamoto hasn't had options recently so he doesn't complain.

But after a second or two Gintoki stops kissing him. He puts a couple inches between them for the first time in hours and just stares at Sakamoto looking faintly mortified. Sakamoto's about to tell Gintoki to kiss him again when he realizes that he's been very nauseous for a while.

"Tatsuma?" Gintoki says tentatively. 

_I'm fine, kiss me some more_ , is what Sakamoto tries to say. What he does is throw up.

Sakamoto wakes up nauseous again, with his face buried in the carpet. He sits up very slowly and sees Gintoki wrapped up in his blankets on his bed, looking perfectly comfortable. Moving is a mistake on Sakamoto's part but he at least makes it to the bathroom before throwing up.

"I threw up last night, right?" Sakamoto asks, when he makes it back to his room.

"You did." Gintoki looks at him through one squinted eye, blanket covering most of his face and keeping out the light.

Sakamoto looks around. "Where?"

"On me, you asshole."

"Ahahaha that's embarrassing. Sorry."

"Eh. I took a shower and stole your clothes so I'll probably forgive you in like, ten years." Gintoki frees himself from the blanket and Sakamoto sees that he is in fact wearing his sweatpants and his favorite red hoodie. "Your roommate is scary as shit by the way."

"Mutsu?" Sakamoto lays horizontally across the bed. "Did she come home last night?"

Gintoki frowns. "Yeah, at like 4am. You introduced me to her."

Sakamoto scratches his head. "Little fuzzy on that."

Gintoki blinks at him. He pulls the blanket back over his head. "Forget about it."

"Already done!"

"You should meet my friends," Gintoki says, one day after class.

"You have other friends?" Sakamoto asks.

Gintoki hits him with a textbook.

"Kidding, kidding! I'd love to meet them."

"Good. They're idiots. And I guess they're my childhood friends. But they're also huge assholes."

"Not a problem! I'm friends with you, aren't I?"

Gintoki kicks him, though not too hard. "You'll probably like them," he says, voice a little hopeful.

Gintoki says he's going to bring Katsura over on Sunday night so he's surprised when Katsura shows up by himself, carrying a laptop bag and an armful of books. At a glance Sakamoto thinks he's hot, but after Katsura sits at his desk and starts studying instead of pretending to study, he gets less hot.

Gintoki texts him about an hour after Katsura arrives, saying he's coming down with something and they'd have to study without him. The only break Katsura takes is to punch out a text to him, muttering angrily under his breath.

Sakamoto lays on his bed and takes a crack at studying too but somehow winds up on Wikipedia reading about the history of sponges. That turns out to be a fun page and then he's got 15 other tabs to read so he doesn't study at all.

"Okay," Katsura says, shutting his laptop at exactly nine. "That's enough for tonight. Sakamoto, would you like to hear about the time in 4th grade when Gintoki shit his pants in front of our teacher?"

"Oh my god." Sakamoto sits down on the floor in front of him. "Yes, please! That sounds terrible!"

Katsura nods. "It was extremely embarrassing. Feel free to let Gintoki know I told you this. It's his fault for skipping."

"I think I'm in love with you."

"Focus, Sakamoto! Gintoki doesn't get embarrassed easily!"

The next time they meet Gintoki announces, very loudly in the middle of class, that he's never leaving the two of them alone together again.

"You and Zura have fun?" Gintoki asks bitterly, when the three of them hang out next week.

"What's a Zura?" Sakamoto asks.

"No one! Forget that name!"

"Ohh, have I been calling you by the wrong name?"

"Yes," Gintoki says, an evil glint in his eyes.

"No! You have it right! It's not Zura, it's Katsura!"

"I see," Sakamoto says.

"Call me Katsura!"

"Uh-huh."

"Please?"

"Uh-huh."

"You've already decided to call me Zura haven't you?" Katsura asks.

"Sure have!"

"Son of a bitch."

They watch a pretty terrible action movie after that. Katsura drinks with them and Gintoki sits next to him but not close enough that they're touching. By midnight Sakamoto is sobering up, and since Mutsu has thermostat control he's getting chilly. He puts his arm back in its usual place around Gintoki's shoulder and tugs him closer.

Gintoki jolts right off the couch. "Bathroom! Gotta piss, BRB!" he yells, nearly sprinting out of the room.

He sneaks back in a couple minutes later, throws a blanket at Sakamoto, and then sits next to Katsura on the couch.

"Thanks!" Sakamoto says. 

"Mhm," Gintoki says, staring intently at the T.V.

"We should invite Shinsuke along next time," Katsura says, a few days later. He's in the middle of studying, while Gintoki eats ice cream, and Sakamoto texts Mutsu various YouTube videos of cute dogs. 

"Uh," Gintoki says, "about that—"

"Shinsuke?" Sakamoto asks. "Who's Shinsuke?"

Katsura drops his pen, expression slowly morphing into one of horror. "Gintoki, have you not introduced him to Shinsuke yet?"

"Well—"

"Gintoki, have you _mentioned_ Sakamoto to him?!"

"Not directly. I was gonna get around to it! I just thought we'd need a buffer first."

" _I_ won't be your buffer!" Katsura yells, starting to pack up his stuff. "If Shinsuke asks I've never met either of you!"

"Don't kick me under the bus too, Zura!"

"Seriously, who is this guy?" Sakamoto asks.

"Shinsuke is our childhood friend. He doesn't like meeting new people. Or being left out of stuff," Katsura says pointedly.

Gintoki rolls his eyes. "Or flowers, or sunshine, or happiness, or basically anything."

"He's going to be _so_ bitchy if he finds out you deliberately hid your new friend from him."

"Geez, are you going to be alright?" Sakamoto asks.

" _We'll_ be fine," Katsura says, "minus the aforementioned bitching. He'll probably blame you and then I'm going to need to buy you a plane ticket so that you don't end up on the evening news."

"Ahahaha, what the fuck?"

"He's like a really angry cat," Gintoki says. "He doesn't warm up to people easily."

"Am I going to be okay?"

"I don't know, Zura, is he going to be okay? You don't want Sakamoto to die right?" He grabs Sakamoto's face and shoves him towards Katsura. "Look at him, Zura! You can't abandon your new buddy!"

Sakamoto bats his eyes. Katsura stares at the door and then at Sakamoto.

He groans. "I hate both of you."

"It's totally fine, don't be nervous." Gintoki says, leg bouncing under the table. The lights in the bar are dim enough that it's difficult to see that he's sweating.

Sakamoto takes a swig of his beer. "I'm not really that nervous!"

"Shut up, I'm talking to myself. Fuck, that's them. Be cool Gin-san, be cool."

Katsura gives them an awkward wave as he approaches their table. He's got a short, glaring man behind them. "Hello, Gintoki! I recognized only you from across the room!"

"God, Zura," Gintoki mumbles. He takes a take a deep breath and says, "Okay, the tiny guy is Shinsuke, and the wig is Zura. Guys, this is Sakamoto Tatsuma."

"You can call me Takasugi," Takasgui says.

"It's not Zura, it's Katsura."

"Tatsuma is fine." Sakamoto waves back. "Nice to meet you!"

"It's nice to meet you as well," Katsura says. He winks.

Gintoki groans and goes back to his drink.

Sakamoto puts everyone's drinks on his tab, which is what he always does when meeting new people, but makes Takasugi give a wildly unimpressed look. But then again, he looks extremely unimpressed most of the night. Especially every time Sakamoto touches Gintoki.

"So," Katsura starts, once they've all gotten their drinks.

"Gintoki," Takasugi says, "you really need to stop trusting Zura to keep secrets for you."

Gintoki takes a calm sip of his beer. "I have no idea what you're talking about."

Takasugi throws an arm around Katsura's shoulder. "Zura, where did Sakamoto say he lives?"

"He's got an apartment on campus. It's a ten minute walk from here, " Katsura says without hesitation. He blinks. "Shit, Sakamoto didn't say where he lives. It was Gintoki. He guilted me into it."

"I know." Takasugi kicks Gintoki under the table.

"Ouch!" Gintoki kicks him back. Sakamoto and Katsura pull their legs up as the two of them start kicking at each other.

"Are they always like this?" Sakamoto asks.

"Mostly, yes," Katsura says. "They were worse when we were kids. They'd fight about everything."

"Not everything," Gintoki says.

"Pretty much everything," Takasugi says. Gintoki throws a French fry and Takasugi kicks him again.

"The only time Gintoki got decent grades was when he wanted to annoy Shinsuke," Katsura says. "They'd compete in every sport, fight for our teacher's attention, or over me—"

Most of Sakamoto's focus is on his beer so he only gets a vague image of both of them elbowing Katsura through the bottom of his glass.

"Whew!" Sakamoto slams down his empty mug. "Friendship, huh? Great stuff."

Sakamoto isn't used to being the odd man out and spends most of the evening drinking and listening to Gintoki and his friends fight. Apparently Takasugi doesn't go to their school at all but runs their old teacher's dojo these days, which is where they met as kids. Sakamoto was cursed with an 8am lecture so he winds up slumped against Gintoki's shoulder in a doze before midnight. Gintoki mumbles one half-hearted protest, and then lets him be.

Gintoki shakes him awake later asking if he'll be okay getting home.

Sakamoto yawns and gets to his feet. "Yup, that was a great nap! I've walked home way drunker."

"If you say so. We're gonna call an Uber. Text me when you get home."

It's cold and drizzling when Sakamoto heads out, but after so long in a stuffy bar it doesn't feel too bad. Takasugi is standing under the canopy right outside, lighting a cigarette. He's still only wearing a T-shirt.

"Ahahaha! Waiting up for me?"

"I volunteered to walk you home." Takasugi is smiling slightly. "Gintoki and Zura weren't paying much attention to their surroundings so they didn't object."

"Of course, of course." Sakamoto gestures towards the street leading to his apartment and the two of them begin walking. 

"Did you have fun tonight?" Takasugi asks.

"More fun than I've had in a while!"

"I'm glad to hear it." Takasugi's voice is cold. "You seemed like you were having a good time. Snuggling up to Gintoki like that."

"Oh yeah, Gintoki is really comfortable."

"Good for you. He said you've got a class together. You seem close."

"I think so!"

Takasugi hums. "He tends to attract freaks."

"I noticed," Sakamoto says, grinning at him.

"And how close are you guys?"

"Ahaha, you're awful protective for a friend."

"You don't know anything about friendship do you?"

"Sure I do! I've got plenty. But I guess I don't keep in touch with my childhood friends." Sakamoto leans against a crosswalk.

The two of them walk for a while in silence until he remembers Takasugi's question. "Oh yeah! I guess we're kinda close! Gintoki did kiss me that one time."

Takasugi stops in his tracks.

"He was pretty drunk though. Me too! I'm actually not sure if he remembers doing it. You should get out of the road, Shinsuke."

Takasugi starts laughing, softly at first and then louder. He stops when Sakamoto joins him.

"So, Sakamoto," Takasugi says. "You kissed him."

"Other way around actually." Sakamoto rubs his chin. "Or was it me? I definitely did _want_ to kiss him."

"Do you like him?"

"I like him a lot! I was actually thinking about asking him out the next time we hang." He jerks to a stop as Takasugi grabs his wrist. "What's up?"

Takasugi yanks him forward, grabbing him by the front of his sweater. "Sakamoto..."

"You can just call me Tatsuma. Gintoki already does!"

"Sakamoto," he repeats, "I wouldn't recommend doing that."

"I don't mind when people call me by my first name."

"Not—I meant asking Gintoki out."

"No? Why not?"

"It won't end well for you."

"Gintoki isn't straight, is he?"

Takasugi gives him a shake. "I'm not being unclear am I? Is anything about this subtle?"

"I assumed he wasn't but that might be wishful thinking. Mutsu always says I can't take a hint."

"Who the hell is—"Takasugi lets him go. "That's not the issue! Just keep your distance!"

"Hm, nah. Gintoki is my friend. Zura too. And maybe you Shinsuke!"

"We're not going to be friends."

"Famous last words! That's what Mutsu used to say and we live together now."

Takasugi stares at him flatly. His hair is dripping. "I'm threatening you. I'm saying I don't like you and that I will hurt you if you go after Gintoki. Got it?"

"Loud and clear!" He takes off his hat and shoves it onto Takasugi's head. Takasugi stands in stunned silence as Sakamoto throws his sweater around his shoulders. "My place is right across the street so I can make it from here."

"What are you—where do you think you're going?!"

"See you around, Shinsuke!" Sakamoto says, running off. "You should probably get a jacket!"

Sakamoto has the will power to brush his teeth and take off his pants before he collapses onto his bed. He's struggling not to fall asleep when he texts Gintoki.

Me: home safe!! gn!!

Gintoki 🐑: cool hey did you see shinsuke when you were leaving

Me: yup!!! he walked me home :)

Gintoki🐑: what

Gintoki🐑: oh god

Gintoki🐑; he didnt try to stab you did he

Gintoki🐑; is he holding you hostage

Me: lol

Me: he asked if i had fun. which i did! we shld do this again sometime!!

Gintoki🐑; oh cool i guess he knows where you live now

Nobunobu throws a Halloween party and after Gintoki mentions that his only plans are to get drunk and eat a bunch of candy, Sakamoto decides to bring him and the others along. Gintoki shows up dressed like a vampire, which is less sexy than it sounds. Katsura is a French maid, which is exactly as sexy as it sounds.

Sakamoto is dressed as Captain Harlock, which he does every year, but he has to flip up his eye patch to take in Katsura's outfit. The skirt is short, and he's wearing heels.

"Zura looks pretty," he blurts out.

"He's a natural." Gintoki says, nudging him. "He'll crossdress whenever he gets the chance but he picks boring stuff. I'm a great influence. Hey, Zura, spin!"

Katsura glares at him from across the room but downs his shot and does it anyway. The frills ride up a lot.

"Stop doing that," Takasugi snaps, grabbing Katsura's shoulder. Sakamoto and Gintoki make the exact same disappointed noise.

"But it's fun," Katsura says.

"He's scared you're gonna flash everyone," Gintoki says.

"The skirt isn't that short," Katsura says, and then he disproves his point by nearly flashing all of them. Sakamoto gets a eyeful of lace before Takasugi pulls his skirt back down.

Sakamoto decides he needs a breather and volunteers to grab more cups from the kitchen. At this point Katsura is sitting in Gintoki's lap while Gintoki has his way with a lollipop, which is just about the best thing he's ever seen, but bad for his sanity.

Sakamoto roots around the kitchen until he finds the cabinet with disposable cups. As he's shutting it a dart hits the door, an inch of so above his ear.

"Ahahaha! Zura looks really good as a girl, doesn't he?" Sakamoto asks. When he turns Takasugi is smiling at him, perfectly sober.

"Do you think?" His second dart hits just above Sakamoto's head.

"Yup! I don't think I was the only one staring." Sakamoto reaches down to grab himself the last beer from an abandoned 12 pack. A dart zips over his head. "Haha, careful, Shinsuke. That one almost got me!"

"Oops," Takasugi says, holding up another dart. "It's the eye. My aim isn't great these days."

"Oh yeah?" Sakamoto turns to grab a bag of chips and a dart hits the cabinet right where his head was. "My aim is awful too! The eye patch isn't helping. I've been bumping into stuff all night!"

Sakamoto doesn't move but the last dart goes wide. Takasugi clicks his tongue. "Do I need to give you the same speech twice? Since the point hasn't made it through your thick skull."

"It did actually! I'm just ignoring it!"

"That's unwise." Takasugi crosses the kitchen. "Has anyone told you you're an idiot? Has that gotten through too?"

"Ahaha people tell me that all the time! Has anyone told you that possessiveness isn't healthy?"

Takasugi's eye narrows. "Never more than once."

"With the way you act I'd think you were dating the two of them!"

The smile slowly slips from Takasugi's face. He steps in front of Sakamoto. "Is that what you think?"

Sakamoto finishes the last of his beer. "Ha?"

"Do you think," Takasugi says slowly, cornering him against the counter, "that I'm acting like this because Gintoki, Zura, and I are fucking?"

Sakamoto snorts and then giggles. "Lighten up, Shinsuke! I'm just messing with you!"

He ruffles Takasugi's hair.

Takasugi looks caught between disbelief, indignation, and rage for long enough that Sakamoto is able to just walk away.

The door to the bathroom is slightly open so Sakamoto only gives it a courtesy knock before he heads in. Katsura is there, leaning over the sink. His hair has fallen out of its bun.

"Tatsuma?" he slurs. "Bathroom is occupied."

"Use the lock then, buddy!"

Katsura turns around. "Forget it. Come here for a second."

"Ahahaha!" Sakamoto can hear alarm bells ringing and possibly nails going into a coffin. He shuts the door and locks it. "Yeah, what the fuck! What do you need?"

Katsura beckons him closer and he steps in. "Help me with something."

"Great! A little generic, but I'm into it. Where do I start?"

Katsura points downwards and Sakamoto follows his gaze to where one of his stockings has slipped from its garter and down his knee. "It came undone earlier and fixing it is tough right now."

"Ahh, of course. Because you're very drunk and very Zura."

"It's very drunk and very Katsura. Why did you lock the door?"

"Got a little ahead of myself! Okay, sit down." Katsura climbs onto the counter with a hand on his shoulder. Sakamoto tugs the stocking up and notices for the eighth time that night that Katsura shaved his legs for this outfit. He'd done a good job too, his skin was very smooth. "Is it, like, really hot in this bathroom?"

"No," Katsura says.

"I probably just drank too..."

Katsura leans back, hands behind him, and like the entire Red Sea, his frills part. His costume didn't skimp out on the little details.

"Tooooo much," Sakamoto finishes, feeling light-headed. "Haha, fuck."

"What is it?"

He clips the stocking back into place. "All done! You're welcome, I could really use a drink."

He helps Katsura down because the last thing he needs is for someone to see him leaving the bathroom with Katsura sitting there like that. The second to last thing he needs is for Gintoki to be the person tapping his foot impatiently outside the bathroom.

His eyes move from Sakamoto to Katsura leaning against the doorframe. Really, he didn't need to look so indecent with his messy clothes and his flushed face.

"Boy does this look suspicious! I'm just gonna—" He jumps as Gintoki's hand slams into the wall beside him, blocking his path. Sakamoto breaks into a cold sweat. "Ha, have your eyes always been red Gintoki? Did I not notice?"

"Gintoki," Katsura says, "come hold my hair back."

"Well," Sakamoto backs away, nearly tripping over Katsura because Gintoki is still staring at him. "There's a bottle of tequila with my name on it somewhere at this party."

The bottle of tequila turns out to be back at his apartment. Sakamoto isn't in the mood to die but also isn't feeling remotely articulate.

"It's tough having hot friends," Sakamoto mumbles, crawling into bed. He decides he'll send Gintoki a text in the morning and everything will be fine.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i can't believe it took me nearly a year to update this. jesus fuck guys. thanks for being patient with me, and for all of your kind comments. i'll try to do a little better with the final chapter!

The first time Sakamoto wakes up it's way too early in the morning, but he's nauseous and might be dying, so he heads to the bathroom. His head hurts but apart from that his hangover hasn't hit him full force yet. The sun is barely up but he texts Gintoki when he's back in bed anyway. Then he lays there, waiting for Gintoki to tell him not to text at stupid hours.

Five minutes pass, longer than Gintoki usually takes to tell him off, and he doesn't get a response. He squints at his text. It sounds slightly more coherent than most of his drunk texts to Gintoki, along with some of his sober texts. He sends an additional _lol_ and then goes back to sleep.

The next time he wakes is to several minutes of someone pounding on the front door. If Mutsu were home it wouldn't have gone on for that long so, reluctantly, Sakamoto gets out of bed. It's agonizingly bright out and Sakamoto definitely needs to lie back down.

Before the door is completely open Sakamoto is getting punched in the head. He's prepared for it, but it still doesn't feel great.

"Good morning to you too, Gintoki!" he says, rubbing his head. Gintoki looks as shitty as he feels and the sun at his back makes Sakamoto squint. "Now, before you try to kill me—"

"You son of a bitch!" Gintoki yells. "Where's my phone?!"

Sakamoto stops rubbing his head. "What now?"

"My phone, dumbass!" Gintoki steps into his space. "You picked me up, I left it in your car, and then you ran off!"

"Uh."

"Uhh, what?! Do you have it?"

"No?"

"Then let's go already! Idiot."

It takes a minute for Sakamoto's brain to turn on but eventually he grabs his keys and slippers and lets Gintoki drag him to the parking lot. Nobunobu lives in the apartment building next to his so it isn't a long walk. "Are you not angry with me?"

"I'm really angry! The hell are you talking about?" Gintoki's pace slows and he turns back to stare at Sakamoto. "What, do you mean the thing with Zura? He already told me nothing happened."

"Oh, thank fuck," Sakamoto says with relief. "I thought you were here to kill me!"

Gintoki shrugs and lets go of his wrist. "I wouldn't let you sober up if I were gonna kill you."

"Cool! I'll keep that in mind!"

Sakamoto finds his sunglasses on the dashboard of his car where he left them the previous night. He puts them on with a happy sigh. Gintoki's cellphone will probably take more digging.

"When I thought about it for two seconds I figured it was a misunderstanding," Gintoki says. He leans against the car and lets Sakamoto do the looking. "I might've jumped to some conclusions."

"You and Shinsuke really suit each other, you know!"

"You take that back, you son of a bitch."

"Nope, I'm right," Sakamoto says, reaching beneath the passenger’s seat.

"We don't suit each other because he'd probably kill you for saying something like that and I'm just going to punch you again."

"Really? I don't get that vibe from him."

"Your instincts are clearly fucking awful.”

"Nah, I think they're pretty good." Sakamoto finally feels a rectangular shape far underneath the passenger's seat. It's Gintoki's phone. "Success! Here you go!" He throws Gintoki his phone.

"Hey, careful!"

"You're welcome! Boy am I glad we resolved that." Sakamoto stretches his arms over his head. "Misunderstandings are the worst!"

"No kidding," Gintoki says flatly. "I should've figured, I mean you aren't into guys anyway, right?"

"Huh? Who said that?"

Gintoki stares at him, phone hanging loose at his hand. "But you..."

Sakamoto yawns. "Well, that was stressful. I'm going back to sleep. See ya around!"

He walks off, leaving Gintoki there in the parking lot with his phone.

"Hey, Gintoki!" Sakamoto says. "I definitely want to fuck you but I also want to fuck one of your best friends! Is that cool?"

Mutsu's stuffed sheep stares at him silently with its black button eyes. He rolls over on Mutsu’s bed, feet on the wall.

"What's that?" Sakamoto asks. "Seppuku? Ahahaha! Thanks, but I'd rather not!"

"Hey, Oryou?" Sakamoto asks, lifting his head off the cafe table. His head still hurts from his hangover but he tries to ignore it.

Oryou places his coffee down in front of him. "What do you want, Tatsuma?" she asks with a smile.

"Do you want to get married?"

Oryou laughs politely. "Not even a little."

"Okay." He lays his head on his arms. "Oryou, have you ever dated someone who was also into your best friend?"

"That's a silly question," Oryou says. "If that were the case I'd be in prison."

"Haha, that's a joke, right?"

Oryou doesn't move. "Otae?"

Otae looks over from the table next to Sakamoto's. "What is it now?"

"A guy you're dating is into your best friend."

"I kill him immediately," Otae says. "And then I toss his corpse into a dumpster."

"Ladies sure are scary!"

"That hasn't happened to you has it Otae?" Oryou asks.

Otae wrings the towel in her hands. "It did in high school. But I'm not still upset about it since I'm dating my best friend now so that can't happen. And Kyubey would never date me for months while secretly lusting after the closest other human being. Or get drunk and flirt with them." The towel frays as she twists it. "Or say something like 'oh you're gay? Then you, me, and Otae can just have a threesome!' Kyubey wouldn't—"

"Now, now, Otae," Oryuu rubs her back. "Why don't we get you a drink?"

Otae throws the frayed towel on the table. "I'd like that," she mumbles. Sakamoto tips extra before he leaves.

Pictures from the party are on Facebook in the next couple days. A few of them feature Katsura. Sakamoto remembers him looking awfully sweaty and out of it but somehow he looks perfect in every picture. Sakamoto Likes every picture from the party because he does in fact like every picture. He lingers longer than he'd prefer on the picture of Katsura in Gintoki's lap, frills sliding down his shoulder, Gintoki's hand on his upper thigh. He considers hanging out with Katsura less.

As soon as he's had this thought his phone vibrates.

Formerly known as Katsura: Hey, Tatsuma. 👋🙋🔊🖖

Formerly known as Katsura: I'm going to Ikumatsu's place in a bit. 🍜🍥👏👅

Formerly known as Katsura: If you're free would you like to come along?🏃🎒🌞🍴🚦🌆

Me: !!!!

Me: b right there!!

"It's finals week, are you really not busy today?" Katsura asks. He's probably the first well rested person Sakamoto has spoken to in days. The restaurant is a lot emptier than usual. "Gintoki's swamped."

Sakamoto hums. "I think I've got a lab report due at midnight and maybe an exam tomorrow but it'll probably be fine!"

"Dear god, Tatsuma. Please develop a sense of urgency."

"Don't worry about it! The exam is for an elective so it's no biggie. And after you've done one lab report you get the hang of it."

"Aren't you a business major? That kind of stuff must be out of your wheelhouse."

"Nuh-uh," Sakamoto says, mouth full. "That's just my minor."

Katsura gives him a sidelong glance. "Then what major are you?"

"You are _not_ majoring in astrophysics," Gintoki says, the next time they're all in the dining hall again. "Zura, get me a strawberry milk."

"Get it yourself."

"I'm not?" Sakamoto says. "I've been going to the wrong classes then!"

Gintoki rubs his forehead. "You know you poured coffee into your cereal right?"

"Did I? Ahahaha, whoops!" That explained Gintoki and Katsura's faces when he'd started eating. He couldn't make himself breakfast while ogling Katsura in a casual skirt. "Oh well! I'm good at what I'm good at and I'm bad at what I'm bad at."

"Didn't you fail every test we took?" Gintoki asks.

"Only most of them."

Gintoki's eyes narrow. "What'd you get on the Sociology final?"

"Hm, a perfect score I think? Either that or a 98%. I get all my grades mixed up!"

Gintoki stares at him with a look of mild disgust. "What the fuck?"

"Wow," Katsura says. "I didn't think it was possible to be so smart and so stupid at the same time."

"You sound like all my professors!" Sakamoto says. "Do you want my pudding, Gintoki?"

"Are you trying to change the subject?" Gintoki asks, accepting Sakamoto's pudding.

Sakamoto takes another bite of his terrible coffee cereal. "Do you want my cookies?" he asks, sliding them over on a napkin.

"God, yes."

Gintoki sits on his bed later, looking through all his books and generally poking around his room like he's never done it before. It'd been raining hard so he'd immediately stolen one of Sakamoto's sweaters.

"Why the hell don't I know anything about you?" Gintoki asks. "We basically hang out every day. You text me when you're taking a long dump."

Sakamoto makes an 'I don't know' noise. He keeps toweling his hair dry.

"Okay, fuck it. We're doing this the old fashion way." He sits up straight, hands on his thighs. "What's your favorite color?"

"Red," Sakamoto says, staring at Gintoki's eyes.

"Favorite sport?"

"Fishing, maybe?"

"That's not a sport. How'd you meet your roommate?"

"Mutsu? Her gang kidnapped me."

Gintoki's eyebrows shoot up his face. "What the hell? Do you want to explain that?"

"I was volunteering at her school and she didn't like me apparently." He pulls off his damp shirt. "It was pretty fun!"

There's a long pause. It isn't until Sakamoto has finished dressing that Gintoki clears his throat and asks, "where'd you get your stupid sunglasses?"

"Birthday gift from Mutsu!"

"So...are you guys dating or something?"

"Nah, but I love her and she's the coolest."

"Why are you a fucking astrophysics major?"

"Is that a trick question? Because space is cool!"

"Why do you have a job if your parents are loaded?"

"I don't, I volunteer at lots of places. Saying I've got work later takes less explaining."

"God, who the fuck _are_ you?!"

"Sakamoto Tatsuma, college junior, and your third favorite person on Earth!"

"I was drunk when I said that!" Gintoki's face goes pink. "Okay, tell me every other important thing I need to know about you."

"I like you," he says instantly.

Gintoki rolls his eyes. "Something I don't know."

"I also like Zura."

Gintoki snorts. "You like everyone. What else?"

"I think that's everything."

"That's literally impossible. How'd you get that crazy scar on your arm?"

"This thing?" Sakamoto pulls down his sleeve. "I got stabbed. Or I guess slashed."

"That's...." Gintoki deflates. "Shit, Tatsuma, that sounds pretty important."

"Not really. It's mostly just shitty and depressing." Sakamoto frowns. He flops down on the bed so he can lay his head in Gintoki's lap. "Oh, I hate talking about myself! That's a thing about me!"

"I make fun of your hand writing all the time. Is it because of your injury?"

"My writing was always bad. Now it's just different-bad." He pokes Gintoki's cheek. "Don't make that face. You can still make fun of my handwriting!"

"There are a million other reasons to make fun of you," Gintoki mumbles, face still tight. He tugs on Sakamoto's hair. "I'll pick and choose."

"It's fine either way!"

"Not like I'm gonna start being nice to you." Gintoki releases his hair suddenly and yanks off his sunglasses. "You don't have to try so hard at, you know," he lowers his voice, "making everything happy."

Sakamoto tilts his head up. Gintoki is facing in the opposite direction.

"I-I'm just saying you don't have to tell me stuff if you don't want to," Gintoki says. "But don't keep shit from me just because you don't want to ruin the mood."

Sakamoto smiles. "I really like you, Gintoki."

"Yeah, shut up." Gintoki shoves his sunglasses back on.

Gintoki, Katsura, and Takasugi sharing an apartment is something that he thinks about a lot but it's a while before he gets the official invite. Even then it's with Takasugi's vocal protests.

"Don't touch anything," he says, as soon as Sakamoto walks in.

"What's this?" Sakamoto pokes the corner of a photo hanging from the wall. There's a loud angry noise from Takasugi. "Oh, it's a mini Zura and Gintoki! That's cute. Is that guy your old teacher?"

"Yeah, that's Shouyo," Gintoki says. Takasugi slaps his hand away from the frame.

"Who's that other kid?"

"Who the hell do you think?" Takasugi asks. "It's me."

Sakamoto squints at the smallest of the smiling children. "Are you sure?"

Gintoki laughs. "Weird, right? You're looking at the only picture on earth of Shinsuke with a real smile."

Sakamoto tilts his head. He tries to imagine the child with a more sinister glare. "Funky."

"You should've seen Shinsuke in high school," Gintoki says later that night, his mouth full of his 5th slice of pizza, "he's mellowed out a lot."

Takasugi is sitting in their armchair, twirling a butterfly knife. He hasn't looked away from Sakamoto in a while.

"His energy seems pretty mellow!" Sakamoto says. "What about you and Zura? What were you like in high school?"

"I was pretty much the same but Zura was an even bigger nerd."

"I wasn't a nerd, I was Katsura," Katsura says. "And I was almost valedictorian."

"Like I said. A nerd."

"Aw, why almost?" Sakamoto asks

"My grades were perfect for the first few years. I couldn't study nearly as much my senior year though because these two only wanted to—"

Takasugi fumbles his knife and Gintoki slaps a hand over Katsura's mouth. "Video games!" Gintoki yells. "We only wanted to play video games! Super loud, all the time, terrible for studying. Hahaha."

"That doesn't sound too bad!" Sakamoto says. "Not so different from me in high school."

Gintoki and Takasugi both relax.

He leans over to Takasugi. "Your finger alright?"

"It's not bleeding," Takasugi says, examining his thumb where his knife had caught it. He looks up at Sakamoto like he's just remembered who he's talking to and his expression hardens. "Mind your own business."

Sakamoto wakes to someone kicking him in the thigh. His head hurts and he's pretty sure all the moisture has been sucked out of his body so he ignores it for as long as he can.

"Get up, asshole," Takasugi says, giving him a harder kick.

"Nuh." He curls deeper into the couch, hugging one of their pillows to his chest.

"Come on, move it. I'm heading to work and I'm sure as hell not leaving you here."

"Five more minutes, Shinsuke."

"Didn't I tell you to call me Takasugi?"

"Five more minutes, Shin-chan."

Takasugi grabs him by the collar of his shirt and throws him onto the floor. In return, Sakamoto grabs his ankle and yanks. Takasugi hits his knees and turns to him with a murderous look before trying to kick him in the face. Things deteriorate from there.

When Katsura walks in, yawning loudly, Takasugi is sitting on his back, twisting one of Sakamoto’s arms behind him.

Katsura gets himself a glass of water. "What are you two doing?"

Takasugi stops grinning maniacally. "Nothing."

"Trying to kill me!" Sakamoto says, kicking his legs.

"Am not." Takasugi gets off him. He straightens out his shirt. "Sakamoto was pissing me off."

"Shinsuke started it!"

"Don't be a child,” Takasugi snaps.

Katsura drinks his water, looking back and forth between the two of them. Sakamoto is glad he's still on his stomach because his dick was way too interested in Takasugi pinning him down.

"I'm glad you're getting along," Katsura says.

"We're not," Takasugi says.

It's a rare thing for Gintoki to invite him to a party, mostly because he has three friends including Sakamoto, but Sakamoto isn't exactly going to spend his Friday night studying.

"Is Shinsuke gonna be there?" he asks.

"Why?" Gintoki asks. "Did you want us to invite him?"

Sakamoto takes a loud sip of his juice and tries not to think about Takasugi sitting on him. "I don't mind. Just don't wanna ruin his night!"

Katsura shakes his head. "Don't worry, Shinsuke likes you."

He leans over to Gintoki. "I think we've finally lost Zura to his delusions."

"He's been gone for years," Gintoki says. "Shinsuke does like you though. What was that thing he said the other day?"

"His head looks like Kondo's ass?" Katsura says.

"No, not that," Gintoki says.

"I could probably make it look like an accident?"

"Not that either."

"Ahaha, guys," Sakamoto says. "I think Shinsuke might be a serial killer."

Katsura rubs his chin. "I haven't killed him yet?"

"Yeah! That was it! But he didn't say it like that. It was more like." Gintoki stares down his nose, grinning as he holds his spoon like a cigarette. "I haven't killed him yet, have I?"

"Ahahaha! I hate this conversation!"

"No, that's completely wrong." Katsura sweeps his bangs to the left. He smiles very slightly, his eyes narrowed. "I haven't killed him yet, have I?" he says with the scratchy voice of an old woman.

"Wow! Is there a point to this?"

"You know." Gintoki waves a hand. "It's a compliment. He totally likes you."

Sakamoto's party plan is to stay mostly sober and avoid throwing himself at Takasugi. Even though Takasugi is hot and apparently likes him. He manages part one for about half an hour before Gintoki hands him a drink and he completely forgets he had a plan at all.

By the end of the night Gintoki has passed out on Sakamoto who is far too drunk to drive himself home.

"Why'd you drink so much if you drove out here?" Takasugi asks, as the two of them leave. He's dragging a barely conscious Katsura along by the shoulder while Sakamoto does the same with Gintoki.

"It's this bastard's fault!" Sakamoto says, jostling Gintoki. Gintoki moans but doesn't respond.

"Then you just say no to the idiot," Takasugi says.

Sakamoto shakes his head mournfully. "Couldn't do it. He wanted me to keep up with him. He's such a lightweight!"

"Sugar is the only thing he can handle in mass," he mutters. "Give me your keys."

The two of them shove Gintoki and Katsura into the back of Sakamoto's car and buckle them in. Katsurai is unconscious almost immediately and Gintoki looks like he's following behind him.

"No barfing back here!" Sakamoto says, flicking Gintoki's nose.

Sakamoto falls asleep almost immediately on the ride back and it's only Takasugi slapping him a couple times that eventually gets him conscious again.

"That's a start," Takasugi says. He undoes Sakamoto's buckle and drops his room key into his hand. "I'm hanging on to your car. Pick it up whenever you can drive again."

Sakamoto blinks at him woozily and lifts his thumb.

"Get out already, would you? I'd like to go home."

"I'm going," Sakamoto says, though he doesn't move.

Takasugi sighs and reaches past him to grab the door handle. It’s a shame that his hair covers the side of his face, Sakamoto thinks, and then he's pushing Takasugi's hair out of the way himself.

"What do you think you're doing?" Takasugi's voice is quiet but even.

"What am I doing?" Sakamoto asks. Takasugi's hair is smooth and slips easily through his fingers so Sakamoto does it again, with both hands, vaguely surprised that Takasugi allows it. "You're asking me? Why would I know?"

"Guess you wouldn't."

Takasugi is oddly calm, his entire expression lacking its usual tension. His hand is still on Sakamoto's door, leaving him leaning over him. He had the tendency to not bother buttoning up his shirts up all the way, which Sakamoto always noticed, but is currently noticing more than usual.

"Look at that!" Sakamoto says. "You're actually kinda hot!"

"I'm also armed," he says, without any of his usual heat.

Takasugi's hair starts to slip through his fingers again and he tightens his hold involuntarily. A small shudder goes through Takasugi and his hand comes up to grip Sakamoto's arm.

Sakamoto blinks, fascinated by the reaction. Slowly he relaxes his hold on Takasugi's hair and Takasugi's grip on his arm loosens in turn. He hears Takasugi release a breath.

"That's...enough for one night," he says, shoving Sakamoto's hands away. The next thing Sakamoto knows he's being kicked onto the curb.

"Ahahaha!" Sakamoto grabs his knee. "Fuck, that hurts!"

"Gintoki was right." Takasugi says, fixing his hair. "Your stupidity is contagious."

"You're both real bastards, huh?"

As Takasugi drives off, Sakamoto thinks he sees a pair of red eyes blinking at him from the back seat.

"That's right, Gintoki, I've got the hots for both your best friends!" Sakamoto says. "Huh?"

He holds Mutsu's sheep closer to his ear and then shakes his head.

"Of course I know he's a little evil! Really, Gintoki, that doesn't change anything. My brain knows, you'll have to tell that to my—"

Mutsu, who's been sitting at her desk while Sakamoto talks, stops typing long enough to fling her textbook at him. It gets him right in the middle of his forehead.

"Can you get out?" Mutsu says with annoyance. "Get off my bed and stop traumatizing my sheep."

Sakamoto hugs the sheep tighter as he rubs his head. "That hurt!"

"Good. I'm prepared to get myself a new roommate. Or better yet, use your room for storage."

"But then we wouldn't be able to hang out as much!"

"That's the point." She snatches the stuffed sheep out of his hands. "Idiot. I don't want to hear about your weird dating life."

Mutsu turns back to her laptop, not-Gintoki resting in her lap, and Sakamoto lays back on her bed. His head had started hurting before Mutsu threw her book at him so he's got no motivation to get up. Besides, Mutsu's pillows are way softer than his. He should borrow them at some point, he thinks, shutting his eyes.

"Don't you dare fall asleep on my bed again," Mutsu says. "And why can't you just pick someone? Just go with the one you've known the longest."

"Gintoki?" Sakamoto tilts his head. "I do like him a lot. But what if we go out and I still have feelings for Zura or Shinsuke? What if we get married and I still have feelings for Zura or Shinsuke? What if we're picking out a gift for our grandson's eighth birthday but I still—"

"Stop. Shut up. Just lie about it."

"I can't do that," Sakamoto says.

"That's true, you're not a convincing liar."

"And it'd be unfair to Gintoki!"

Mutsu rolls her eyes. "Can't you just... not have feelings for the other two then?"

"I'm not doing it on purpose?"

"Okay, but turn that shit off."

Sakamoto rolls ioto his stomach. "Teach me your ways, Mutsu!"

"It's not a way. Just stop having those feelings."

"Is that a thing you can do?"

Mutsu shrugs. "Sure. My dad is still dead to me. And after our first conversation I immediately stopped thinking you might be attractive. It's easy."

Sakamoto hums and shuts his eyes as he thinks. After about three seconds he opens them. "Nope. Can't do it."

Mutsu bangs her head against her desk. "Okay. Pull a name from a hat. I'll kill the other two. Problem solved."

"If you go to jail who'll put up with me?"

She sighs. "Shut up. Plenty of—you know that you're..." Mutsu glares, head still pressed to her desk. "You know what I mean."

Sakamoto smiles. "I love you too, Mutsu."

Mutsu beats him over the head with her stuffed sheep but she doesn't put much strength behind it.


End file.
